Argeneau Vampires Book 7
Author: Lynsay Sands
Publisher: Gollancz
Release date: 9th Feb 2012 (1st published 2007)
Page count: 361pp
Reviewer: Theresa Derwin
It’s no fun being a vampire. At least for ‘Elvi’ Ellen Stone Black aged 62. Waking from a car accident in Mexico Elvi (short for Elvira) finds herself in a hotel with her teeth buried in best friend Mabel’s neck.
With no idea how she got there, and no idea why she’s a vampire, she returns to her hometown Port Henry, now a glamorous looking, apparent 25-year old.
Thankfully the town accepts her readily, eager to get to know their new celebrity vampire, apart from the local priest that is. So now she has to follow the rules; avoid garlic and crosses, sleep during the day and keep out of the sunlight, not eat food, drink blood, wear black gowns and sleep in a coffin. But it’s all such a bother. And the fact that lots of her elderly friends are dying doesn’t help. Mabel and other close friend Teddy Brunswick are well aware of this issue, so think it’s a great idea to put an ad in the singles column for a male vampire for Elvi, without telling her.
Mabel vets the applicants, choosing six ‘vampires’ to visit the town and stay over at Elvi and Mabel’s B&B for a week.
Six soon becomes four as a sad wannabe and a wannabe vampire hunter are revealed.
So, who’s left?
First off is Victor Argeneau, council enforcer and DJ Benoit his cohort and driver. But they’re not searching for love or life mates. They’re trying to find out what sort of idiot would put an ad in a singles mag. So Victor is horrified when it’s revealed not only is Elvi biting mortals (at the Birthday Bite bash) but the whole town knows about vampires. Both circumstances are against the rules and its Victor’s job to bring Elvi to the council for justice. It’s a damn shame then that he feels instantly attracted to her.
And that is where the fun begins. Posing as a potential suitor, Victor joins the genuine suitors, pompous Brit Edward, flirty Italian Alessandro and charming German Harper at the B&B for a week to get to know Elvi.
It’s a learning curve for Elvi too, who discovers she can eat and drink, and can sleep in a bed. The bit where she desperately drags her male harem to the local supermarket on a “cheesecake emergency’ is priceless and hilarious. Whilst Sands is normally witty, this is the funniest book I have read in the series so far, especially the bed buying scene and DJ’s treatment of Mabel and her very grouchy reaction to him. Structurally it is also one of the strongest in the series.
Definitely a read in a day page turner. Class stuff.